Requiem for Happiness

I thought about talking about a bit of a different topic since we are creatures desperately looking for happiness. It’s everything we want, which is simple, but not easy ultimately.

We follow everything that we think will make us happier, from buying new TVs to a bigger house, and most times we end up with a feeling of having been scammed. That’s the reason to find multiple books that study the keys to be happy. Both philosophy and self-help books try to make us achieve a better version of ourselves and upgrade our mental wellness and quality life.

However, many of them disagree with the other’s theories. Who’s right and who’s wrong? If I like playing guitar and I schedule 1 hour a day to play guitar, shouldn’t I be happier and fulfilled?

If the ones that dedicate hours every day to try and find the keys to a happy life aren’t able to agree, how are we supposed to practice it and try to find those keys?

The “HOW TO” is the biggest issue here.

We often fail to remember that every individual is unique and different from us. What makes you happy will probably make your closest friend miserable. Even the little experiences that relax you and make you feel comfortable can make someone else feel bored.
As an example: an extrovert may enjoy loud and sociable experiences like concerts and music festivals. However, the same events can be slightly stressful and annoying for an introvert.

The same happens when we are looking for a happy lifestyle. More often than not, parents try to inject their idea of happiness into their children. They want their kids to follow the steps they think would have made them happy (even when they didn’t try to follow those steps themselves).

On top of that, society is all the time trying to make us believe that certain values are the right ones in order to be happy.

And then…all of a sudden, some young and talented musician/actor becomes trending topic and occupies the first page of the newspaper after they announce that they are taking antidepressants and their life doesn’t feel that nice. They claim how much therapy is helping them, as it’s difficult for them to deal with their lifestyle.

After they assure on them how unhappy they actually feel and tweet in their Social Media platforms that money doesn’t make them happy, some people get frustrated and answer their tweets with resentful comments about how they “shouldn’t complain”. At the end of the day, their privileged results in an apparent reality of freedom. They don’t need t work in something they hate every day in order to survive. Many of them could go on a luxury holiday for a whole year and still have a bank account with many figures when they returned.

But, despite having everything most people could ever dream of: money, a successful career, an attractive and healthy body and people who admire them…

However, there seems to be something missing.

The fact that they are financially free doesn’t mean they are free from emotions like stress and unhappiness. Maybe the mistake is believing that those values are the real path to happiness.

Let’s try to find the most accurate equation for happiness.

I’ve heard 2 interesting theories about how our happy lifestyles and mental health works.

The first one is quite interesting and a bit of a metaphor. It basically compares humans to tables.

It explains that, as well as a table, in order to keep the balance of our lives, we need four legs: one of them is our career, the other one is our relationships, the other is our health and the other one is the financial leg. If one of the legs disappears or starts failing (for example, your company fires you), your life won’t be perfectly balanced. If you isolate yourself and cut off all of of your friends and relationships, another leg will be failing and keeping the balance will be more difficult.
The more legs that fail, the worse we will feel about our life and ourselves.

The second one talks about goals (the most correct theory in my own experience)

Having a purpose

Having a purpose in life is essential to be happy. As long as you know what you want and focus your effort on executing the steps to get there, you will keep the balance of your life.

The reason why I believe in this theory is due to some observation, my surroundings, consuming content and my own experience. One of the hardest times of my life was the time I didn’t know which was my purpose.

I knew I needed to have a goal, but I still wasn’t sure which one was the best for me, and I couldn’t find what fulfilled me the most.

This means that I would force myself to study for an exam at college and to classes I wasn’t interested anymore, which would contribute to making me feel depressed. I feel my own life goes a lot better when I have something to achieve, a goal that fulfilled me and I can the same pattern in so many other people. Somewhere to go and the desire to get there is one of the best ways to invest your efforts and time.
We need something that truly satisfies us. Lack of purpose is, indeed, a very common trait in people who feels depressed.

In life, as soon as you find yourself without a purpose, you probably start feeling lost and confused. I believe it’s important to prioritize finding a new one. You don’t need to have the same purpose forever, but at trying to find one that makes you feel excited about life and the future can be crucial.

But that can be freaking difficult!!

For some people, finding their purpose and goals is easier than for others.

I am going to try to list a bunch of exercises and methods you can use in order to find your purpose in life.

The main points? It must be something that matches your personality and makes you want to wake up every morning to move forward to it.

1. Journal every day: You guys hear me write a lot about this, but when it comes to examine yourself and see everything with a new perspective, journaling can do wonders. You can ask yourself all the questions and force yourself to answer them with absolute honesty.
2. Do something that inspires you. Reading, listening to music or visiting museums can work amazingly well if you are trying to unlock a part of your brain that doesn’t want to collaborate.
3. Make a list of the qualities you love about yourself. Explore it and find your strong and week points and try to find which goals are compatible with your strengths. You have talents and they can be great tools.
4. Don’t forget your passions. Having a purpose that includes something you are passionate about is really important in order to make the purpose last longer. Remember the actions and activities that make you feel more excited and satisfied. Something that you find yourself doing for hours without getting tired.
5. Ask yourself what would you do if money didn’t matter. The vision of an ideal enjoyable life for you.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with not having a purpose at some point.

We all go through confusing times when, in my experience, the best thing you can do is to try to know yourself and your needs more carefully. Self-evaluation is very important when it comes to finding the right purpose. Maybe reading some books, not pushing yourself too much is the best way to start!